Navigating the 5 stages after violent crimeBased on the book, "Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence" - by Wilma L. Derksen  Photo by Jimmy Murphy I’ll begin with my general introduction to this series of blog posts, for those who have not been reading so far.
This is the fifth, and last part in my blog series on, “Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime”, which for anyone who has not been following this blog series, is guided by a walk-through of a book called, “Confronting the Horror – The Aftermath of Violence” by Wilma L. Derksen. (You can look through my blog archives on the right to find the other parts of the series). This stage looks at “Recovery”. I’m sharing wisdom from this book, while also including some of my own knowledge and experience working with people who have faced violent crime (including homicide). The mass shooting that occurred here in Nova Scotia during April has evoked a lot of feelings in me of sadness and grief, which are shared by so many people in our community. While I know the content of these blogs are heavy, my hope is that somehow they can support others who have been trying to navigate this difficult time. I've listened to people in our community, and I want to help others process some of the thoughts and feelings that so many are experiencing. Since April, we have been moving through a healing process towards recovery. There has been so much grief and sadness for our whole community. With the time that has passed, this is now an opportunity to do a check-in with ourselves (and possibly the ones we care about), on our mental health and where we are at in the healing process. Part of this process involves confronting our grief and sadness. Everyone experiences grief and sadness, however some people will also experience situational depression at times like these. Although, it’s important to recognize if it evolves into major depression. Depression can cause occupational problems, possible substance abuse (trying to numb out the pain), and even lead to suicidal ideation. If you are experiencing the following symptoms for a prolonged period of time, and nearly every day, it may be time to see a doctor, or speak to a therapist: Depressed moods most of the day, feelings of sadness or emptiness. Diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities of the day.
If we find ourselves “stuck” as if we aren’t moving forward, or there aren’t consistently more times when we feel less sadness, anxiety, etc. than it may be time to reach out for more help. Normal sadness, grief or anger are never a problem, as long as we are moving towards a way to get through it. However, some people can feel stuck for a very long time, it all depends on the person and their unique circumstances. We may feel guilty if we are trying to move on with life. The author states, “Giving up, letting go, moving on, starting over, forgiving, are not words of defeat, guilt or weakness. On the contrary, these words can give us back our freedom”. It’s important to acknowledge any movement forward we do in the healing process. Here are some suggestions to help with healing:
The author speaks to healing and wholeness. I'm a firm believer in a holistic approach when it comes to health. Health includes so many pieces of our physical self such as good eating habits, getting enough rest, drinking lots of water, exercise or some form of regular activity. Our mental health and related forms of self-care are equally and incredibly important. There’s an analogy I heard in a training once that I continue to use: If your leg was broken, you would get it treated and take care of the injury. So why is it that when we are injured mentally, we often neglect it? The broken leg is no more important than the injury to our mental wellbeing. The author lists a number of helpful things to think about to move forward in recovery:
When we think of a healing/recovery process, we tend to think of a definitive end, which most people identify as "closure". When it comes to crime, we often associate closure with a perpetrator being held accountable, or punished. We also often want to know "why"? Since the perpetrator will not be going through the criminal justice system, the Public Inquiry that has been approved to look into the act of mass violence may serve as its closest comparable. Some may see this process partly as getting “closure”. During the Inquiry, many people most directly impacted will be called upon to share their stories/experiences. This is going to be a very difficult process as some people may have already tried to bury and avoid thinking about what happened, doing their best to cope. Some may not want to be part of the process at all due to the pain, while others may see it as part of their healing. Sharing these stories can be especially triggering for those participating and we really need to also consider the vicarious trauma for those who will be hearing these stories as well. During this process, we may start to develop expectations around what we think we will find out, which can become very dangerous territory if our ideas are too specific. We do not know how this process will unfold or what it will reveal. If our expectations of what we will discover are too rigid, it can trigger further frustration, grief, and anger. The painful reality for many people who have experienced violent crime is that “closure” in the traditional sense, will not be possible. There will be reminders of what happened, unresolved issues, and continued losses that will affect the people most closely impacted, long after everyone else has been able to “move on”. In my experience working with victims of crime, people on the outside often have a timeline in their minds of when people “should” recover. Sometimes, when someone doesn’t “move on” within this timeline, they can experience judgment if their recovery seems “too fast” or even, “too slow”. It’s a lot of pressure that nobody needs - let’s not do this to one another. As mentioned previously, some of us may choose to bury that past, not think about what happened and stomp on the hurt. However, if not faced, it will always find a way to resurface, often in ways that are more harmful, and difficult to control. We need to remember that denial and repression doesn't get rid of a problem. I've seen this many times in counselling where clients bury things of their past only for them to continue to resurface or show up in some way, impacting their life. As the author says, whatever we have denied suffers, and this suffering affects the whole of us. We cannot afford to exclude anything that belongs to us. There are going to be so many factors that contribute to how a person recovers and heals based on: what they saw or heard; their own past experience; the circumstances of the violent act; the relationship we had with those lost or the perpetrator himself; our internal and external resources that can support us during these difficult times; our personality; cultural norms; the criminal justice system; our attitude; and the quality of our mental health at the time. Support systems will play a role, including our greater community. We really need to look at this stage as an individual process where there is no right or wrong when it comes to healing and recovering. We need to remember that it is a difficult personal journey, and it cannot be accomplished in a specific number of steps. It's important that people do not compare themselves to others in the recovery process, and that we do not compare others to each other. The author encourages its readers to “Embrace the Journey”. The journey is essentially life after the violence. It’s everything that must be faced, everything that’s been experienced, all our emotions and every day for the rest of our lives. The author lists a number of ways we can do this, by confronting, and processing the devastating reality, and incredible pain:
In summary, we can’t choose a different past, but we can choose how we respond to it. Recovery is often done in baby steps, we should not pressure ourselves. We need to be true to ourselves. Take care of ourselves, and each other. Monitor how we’re doing and reach out to informal and formal supports when needed. Let go of any feelings of guilt and shame. Know that being able to experience happiness and hope are possible again. Hopefully the above ideas help support those impacted. My heart and thoughts go out to all those most deeply affected. As we move forward as a community, I hope we can find a way to make meaning from the violence we experienced, make positive change, and honour the lives of those lost. If readers would like an additional resources to support recovery, please see go to this link from the Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime, “Recovering from Violent Crime”: crcvc.ca/docs/recovery_from_violence.pdf Stay safe, be well. -Angela Jeffrey, BSW, MSW, RSW
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Navigating the 5 stages after violent crimeBased on the book, "Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence" - by Wilma L. Derksen  Photo by Bill Oxford on Unsplash This is the fourth part to my blog series on Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime, which is guided by a walk-through of a book called, “Confronting the Horror – The Aftermath of Violence” by Wilma L. Derksen. (You can look through my blog archives on the right to find part 1 through 3 in my blog series). As I share wisdom from this book, I am including some of my own knowledge and experience working with people who have experienced violent crime, including homicide. The recent mass shooting here in Nova Scotia has evoked a lot of feelings in me of sadness and grief, which are shared by so many people in our community. While I know the content of these blogs are heavy, my hope is that somehow they can support others who are trying to navigate this difficult time. I've listened to people in our community, and I want to help others process some of the thoughts and feelings that so many are experiencing.
As mentioned in the first part of this blog series, the author speaks about 5 stages individuals go through after serious crime: React, Retreat, Rectify, Refer and Recover. Again, it's important to remember that sometimes these stages overlap and people can move back and forth between them. The next stage I'm discussing is REFER. This is normally the stage where those impacted look to authority and the criminal justice system for answers and justice. In most circumstances, a perpetrator is being processed through the criminal justice system. It's during this time that more thoughts might go to wondering what was going through the perpetrator's mind. We may want to understand him and his motive. If the perpetrator was still living, he may have undergone psychological assessments. Even before the mass violence he committed, we know that there were other forms of violence and aggression he acted out on others. I have supported women who were in intimate relationships with men who were described similarly to the perpetrator. I have found that the women, and sometimes family and friends, try to understand someone who acts this way. There may have been times people have tried to speak to him about his behaviour, but people like our perpetrator, often don't think there is anything wrong with them - therefore, they rarely seek help or follow through on efforts to make positive change. People may try to figure out what must have happened to someone like this, to make him this way - a childhood experience, perhaps it's due to stress or other challenges experienced in life - but all too often, these behaviours are seen as, "That's just Bob being Bob". Until something like our mass violence happens, where so many never thought "Bob" would do such a thing. According to Hermann, based on the testimony of victims and the observations of psychologists, the most consistent feature of the perpetrator is his or her apparent normality. You can never be sure who an offender is, or who a potential offender is. The trouble is that so many people are like these individuals who harm or kill others. Often, people like this who have committed unfathomable crimes against humanity can be certified by psychiatrist as normal. For the average person, this wolf among the sheep is not apparent. The author speaks about those impacted by violent crime becoming, "trauma hostages". Even when an perpetrator is no longer living, there is still a trauma bond that continues. The act of violence unites everyone who was touched by it. Everyone participating in that moment of violence - those who lost loved ones, police officers involved, innocent bystanders, the broader community, the media - can also be caught in this bond. Bonded with the offender in memories to form a sort of support group of life experience with others, and talking about the same trauma on anniversaries to come. What happened almost feels attached to our identity. Victims often describe feeling imprisoned by the experience of violence. The author says we can be, "held captive in the aftermath of homicide which sabotages us economically, socially, psychologically and physically." This stage also speaks a lot to the criminal justice process or the types of challenges and trauma that are coupled with a surviving perpetrator. We will not need to face the challenges of the criminal justice system, such as the anxiety of waiting for his "day in court", trying to keep track of where the process is at via news media, maybe hoping to see a glimmer of remorse, or perhaps answers to our "why", or holding our breath for what we hope will be the worst possible sentence. Anyone that knew him personally may have conflicting emotions of compassion, anger, understanding, confusion, or fear. However, with the perpetrator dead, we are robbed of the chance to tell him how we feel and about the destruction he caused. People often feel that by doing so, they can find some closure. In my experience, people are unable to find the closure they seek through the criminal justice system. While it can be a piece that supports healing, "closure" is usually obtained by a combination of sources and experiences. Even though the perpetrator will not be going to court, there is still an element of the criminal justice process taking place due to the police investigation process. This in combination with an anticipated Inquiry here in Nova Scotia, there will be a sense of justice seeking that will occur. The Inquiry may become like our courtroom, and our community like our jurors. However, with hopes of a restorative approach in mind, the process may be less traumatizing. People are going to be looking to these processes to get answers, hold anyone they can accountable, and speak their truth. Without the perpetrator, it will be these processes that will come closest to answering questions around motive, provide a piece to the "closure" puzzle, and give opportunity to hold systems and/or people accountable. Even though our inclination may be to withdraw, we need find the energy to cultivate health social relationships. Draw strength from community. The more connected to the support of community, the less the trauma bond will hold and have a negative impact. As mentioned in previous blog posts, we are lucky to live in the Nova Scotia community which has poured out so much support. While it cannot take away the pain, or undue the past, it helps make us stronger. Despite how difficult things continue to be, we need to remember that, "The only way out is through" (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe). The process isn't easy, but is is the only way to make it out the other side. My next related blog post will be on the next stage, "Recover". Feel free to share these posts widely if you think they can support others. I am also including a resource from the Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime, "Homicide Loss: Dealing with Grief for Survivors": https://crcvc.ca/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Homicide-Survivors_May2017-1.pdf Stay safe, be well. -Angela Jeffrey, BSW, MSW, RSW Navigating the 5 stages after violent crime |
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