Angela Jeffrey- Forensic Social Worker
  • Home
  • About Me
  • Services
    • Counselling Services >
      • Counselling Approach & Fees
      • Counselling & Support Services for Survivors of Domestic & Sexualized Violence
      • Counselling for Everyone
      • Counselling for Law Enforcement
    • Other Services: Training, Investigations, Consultation, Policy/Program Development,
  • Contact
  • News/Blog
  • The Principals & Ethics of Social Workers

Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime- Part 5 (final)

10/22/2020

0 Comments

 

​Navigating the 5 stages after violent crime 

Based on the book, "Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence" - by Wilma L. Derksen
Picture
Photo by Jimmy Murphy
I’ll begin with my general introduction to this series of blog posts, for those who have not been reading so far.

This is the fifth, and last part in my blog series on, “Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime”, which for anyone who has not been following this blog series, is guided by a walk-through of a book called, “Confronting the Horror – The Aftermath of Violence” by Wilma L. Derksen. (You can look through my blog archives on the right to find the other parts of the series). This stage looks at “Recovery”. I’m sharing wisdom from this book, while also including some of my own knowledge and experience working with people who have faced violent crime (including homicide). The mass shooting that occurred here in Nova Scotia during April has evoked a lot of feelings in me of sadness and grief, which are shared by so many people in our community. While I know the content of these blogs are heavy, my hope is that somehow they can support others who have been trying to navigate this difficult time. I've listened to people in our community, and I want to help others process some of the thoughts and feelings that so many are experiencing.

Since April, we have been moving through a healing process towards recovery. There has been so much grief and sadness for our whole community. With the time that has passed, this is now an opportunity to do a check-in with ourselves (and possibly the ones we care about), on our mental health and where we are at in the healing process.  

Part of this process involves confronting our grief and sadness. Everyone experiences grief and sadness, however some people will also experience situational depression at times like these. Although, it’s important to recognize if it evolves into major depression. Depression can cause occupational problems, possible substance abuse (trying to numb out the pain), and even lead to suicidal ideation.  If you are experiencing the following symptoms for a prolonged period of time, and nearly every day, it may be time to see a doctor, or speak to a therapist:
Depressed moods most of the day, feelings of sadness or emptiness.
Diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities of the day. 
  • Significant weight loss when not dieting, or weight gain, or increase in appetite (a change of 5% in a month’s time).
  • Insomnia or hypersomnia (sleeping too much or having difficulty staying awake).
  • Feeling of restlessness or slowed down.
  • Fatigue or loss of energy.
  • Feeling worthless or guilty.
  • Diminished capacity to think or concentrate. Being indecisive. 
  • Feeling anxiety, irritable, “snappy”.
  • Feeling powerless.
  • Excessive worry, phobia. 
  • Recurring thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, or suicide attempt, or specific plan to commit suicide (*if you feel you are in immediate crisis, please call the Mental Health Mobile Crisis Team here in Nova Scotia: 1-888-429-8167).

If we find ourselves “stuck” as if we aren’t moving forward, or there aren’t consistently more times when we feel less sadness, anxiety, etc. than it may be time to reach out for more help. Normal sadness, grief or anger are never a problem, as long as we are moving towards a way to get through it. However, some people can feel stuck for a very long time, it all depends on the person and their unique circumstances. We may feel guilty if we are trying to move on with life. The author states, “Giving up, letting go, moving on, starting over, forgiving, are not words of defeat, guilt or weakness. On the contrary, these words can give us back our freedom”.  It’s important to acknowledge any movement forward we do in the healing process.  Here are some suggestions to help with healing:
  • Look for things where you can be successful. When depressed, take baby steps. Don’t expect too much of yourself, and celebrate even small progress.
  • Don’t let others evaluate how you are doing. 
  • Reassess your friends. Look for people who make you feel good.
  • Make an effort to find a group of people you can socialize with that is supportive. Sometimes when all we want to do is crawl under a rock, it feels easier just to stay put at home - because it is. But, it won’t help us. We need to somehow find the strength to get out with those people who are supportive, even if it’s just coffee or going somewhere to people watch. 
  • Begin to watch your thought processes. What are we filling our minds with? Are we obsessing? Is it contributing towards our goals and happiness? We need to spend our resources wisely - especially when we feel we have so little. Read good books, watch good tv, and buy things that will help you put value into our lives.  
  • Do something - anything. Go for a walk, call a friend, play a game, light a candle. 
  • Forgive yourself for not being able to transcend this impossible hurdle with flying colours.
  • If you remain stuck too long - get professional help.

The author speaks to healing and wholeness.  I'm a firm believer in a holistic approach when it comes to health. Health includes so many pieces of our physical self such as good eating habits, getting enough rest, drinking lots of water, exercise or some form of regular activity. Our mental health and related forms of self-care are equally and incredibly important. There’s an analogy I heard in a training once that I continue to use: If your leg was broken, you would get it treated and take care of the injury. So why is it that when we are injured mentally, we often neglect it? The broken leg is no more important than the injury to our mental wellbeing. 

The author lists a number of helpful things to think about to move forward in recovery:
  • Embrace the horror of your experience. Talk about it with others until it feels normal. I would add, seeking counselling support if that doesn't feel like enough.
  • Instead of trying to think of ways of “getting rid of your pain and fears”, begin to think of ways in which you can recycle them such as any learning or meaning you found that you can share with someone else, it can have a way of transforming the horror of the experience. You might want to make the injustice you suffered your cause, by transforming wounds into positive change.
  • Make some practical decisions on how you are going to make your life better. You might not be able to solve everything, but try other little things you can solve. Take things in baby steps, such as maybe not forgiving the perpetrator, but you could begin by forgiving yourself.
  • Strategize on how you can fashion your own justice process. What do you need? What kind of things can you do or participate in to help you feel some sense of justice?
  • Allow yourself time to be frustrated when the aftermath of violence rears its ugly head. It's important to continue to treat your losses as part of an ongoing mourning process. Grief isn't something that goes away easily and parts of it may never be gone. Don't put pressure on yourself (or others) to get over it, or to not cry anymore when things crop up.
  • Set yourself a future date when you evaluate yourself and your progress. In the meanwhile, give yourself permission to fall apart or keep busy, and when you do take that time to evaluate how you're doing, celebrate any progress you've made. 

When we think of a healing/recovery process, we tend to think of a definitive end, which most people identify as "closure". When it comes to crime, we often associate closure with a perpetrator being held accountable, or punished. We also often want to know "why"?  Since the perpetrator will not be going through the criminal justice system, the Public Inquiry that has been approved to look into the act of mass violence may serve as its closest comparable. Some may see this process partly as getting “closure”. During the Inquiry, many people most directly impacted will be called upon to share their stories/experiences. This is going to be a very difficult process as some people may have already tried to bury and avoid thinking about what happened, doing their best to cope. Some may not want to be part of the process at all due to the pain, while others may see it as part of their healing. Sharing these stories can be especially triggering for those participating and we really need to also consider the vicarious trauma for those who will be hearing these stories as well. During this process, we may start to develop expectations around what we think we will find out, which can become very dangerous territory if our ideas are too specific. We do not know how this process will unfold or what it will reveal. If our expectations of what we will discover are too rigid, it can trigger further frustration, grief, and anger.

The painful reality for many people who have experienced violent crime is that “closure” in the traditional sense, will not be possible. There will be reminders of what happened, unresolved issues, and continued losses that will affect the people most closely impacted, long after everyone else has been able to “move on”.  In my experience working with victims of crime, people on the outside often have a timeline in their minds of when people “should” recover. Sometimes, when someone doesn’t “move on” within this timeline, they can experience judgment if their recovery seems “too fast” or even, “too slow”. It’s a lot of pressure that nobody needs - let’s not do this to one another. 

As mentioned previously, some of us may choose to bury that past, not think about what happened and stomp on the hurt. However, if not faced, it will always find a way to resurface, often in ways that are more harmful, and difficult to control. We need to remember that denial and repression doesn't get rid of a problem. I've seen this many times in counselling where clients bury things of their past only for them to continue to resurface or show up in some way, impacting their life. As the author says, whatever we have denied suffers, and this suffering affects the whole of us. We cannot afford to exclude anything that belongs to us. 

There are going to be so many factors that contribute to how a person recovers and heals based on: what they saw or heard; their own past experience; the circumstances of the violent act; the relationship we had with those lost or the perpetrator himself; our internal and external resources that can support us during these difficult times; our personality; cultural norms; the criminal justice system; our attitude; and the quality of our mental health at the time. Support systems will play a role, including our greater community. We really need to look at this stage as an individual process where there is no right or wrong when it comes to healing and recovering. We need to remember that it is a difficult personal journey, and it cannot be accomplished in a specific number of steps. It's important that people do not compare themselves to others in the recovery process, and that we do not compare others to each other. 

The author encourages its readers to “Embrace the Journey”. The journey is essentially life after the violence. It’s everything that must be faced, everything that’s been experienced, all our emotions and every day for the rest of our lives. The author lists a number of ways we can do this, by confronting, and processing the devastating reality, and incredible pain:
  • When we embrace our story, we are in control of our story.
  • When we embrace our fears, our fears become less intrusive.
  • We have embraced the pain of grief.
  • We have mended the fragmentation of time.
  • We have embraced the power of our spirituality. 
  • We have embraced our new self.
  • We have embraced our responsibility in stopping the cycle of endless losses.
  • We have embraced our own guilt feelings, confronted them or acknowledged them.
  • We have embraced the truth of what has happened to us.
  • We have embraced our anger and have gained control of our rage.
  • We have embraced the limitations of the offender.
  • We have embraced our disappointment in professionals.
  • We have embraced the limitations of our justice system and no longer expect there to be a grand and wonderful, “closure”.
  • We have embraced our own process of recovery.
  • We have embraced our sadness and pain. 
  • We have embraced our journey.

In summary, we can’t choose a different past, but we can choose how we respond to it. Recovery is often done in baby steps, we should not pressure ourselves. We need to be true to ourselves. Take care of ourselves, and each other. Monitor how we’re doing and reach out to informal and formal supports when needed. Let go of any feelings of guilt and shame. Know that being able to experience happiness and hope are possible again. 

Hopefully the above ideas help support those impacted. My heart and thoughts go out to all those most deeply affected. As we move forward as a community, I hope we can find a way to make meaning from the violence we experienced, make positive change, and honour the lives of those lost.

If readers would like an additional resources to support recovery, please see go to this link from the Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime, “Recovering from Violent Crime”: crcvc.ca/docs/recovery_from_violence.pdf

Stay safe, be well.
-Angela Jeffrey, BSW, MSW, RSW


0 Comments

Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime- Part 4

6/24/2020

0 Comments

 

Navigating the 5 stages after violent crime 

Based on the book, "Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence" - by Wilma L. Derksen
Picture
Photo by Bill Oxford on Unsplash
This is the fourth part to my blog series on Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime, which is guided by a walk-through of a book called, “Confronting the Horror – The Aftermath of Violence” by Wilma L. Derksen. (You can look through my blog archives on the right to find part 1 through 3 in my blog series).  As I share wisdom from this book, I am including some of my own knowledge and experience working with people who have experienced violent crime, including homicide. The recent mass shooting here in Nova Scotia has evoked a lot of feelings in me of sadness and grief, which are shared by so many people in our community. While I know the content of these blogs are heavy, my hope is that somehow they can support others who are trying to navigate this difficult time.  I've listened to people in our community, and I want to help others process some of the thoughts and feelings that so many are experiencing. 

As mentioned in the first  part of this blog series, the author speaks about 5 stages individuals go through after serious crime: React, Retreat, Rectify, Refer and Recover.  Again, it's important to remember that sometimes these stages overlap and people can move back and forth between them.

The next stage I'm discussing is REFER. This is normally the stage where those impacted look to authority and the criminal justice system for answers and justice. In most circumstances, a perpetrator is being processed through the criminal justice system. 

It's during this time that more thoughts might go to wondering what was going through the perpetrator's mind.  We may want to understand him and his motive. If the perpetrator was still living, he may have undergone psychological assessments.  Even before the mass violence he committed, we know that there were other forms of violence and aggression he acted out on others.  I have supported women who were in intimate relationships with men who were described similarly to the perpetrator.  I have found that the women, and sometimes family and friends, try to understand someone who acts this way.  There may have been times people have tried to speak to him about his behaviour, but people like our perpetrator, often don't think there is anything wrong with them - therefore, they rarely seek help or follow through on efforts to make positive change. People may try to figure out what must have happened to someone like this, to make him this way - a childhood experience, perhaps it's due to stress or other challenges experienced in life - but all too often, these behaviours are seen as, "That's just Bob being Bob".  Until something like our mass violence happens, where so many never thought "Bob" would do such a thing.

According to Hermann, based on the testimony of victims and the observations of psychologists, the most consistent feature of the perpetrator is his or her apparent normality. You can never be sure who an offender is, or who a potential offender is. The trouble is that so many people are like these individuals who harm or kill others. Often, people like this who have committed unfathomable crimes against humanity can be certified by psychiatrist as normal.  For the average person, this wolf among the sheep is not apparent. 

The author speaks about those impacted by violent crime becoming, "trauma hostages".  Even when an perpetrator is no longer living, there is still a trauma bond that continues. The act of violence unites everyone who was touched by it. Everyone participating in that moment of violence - those who lost loved ones, police officers involved, innocent bystanders, the broader community, the media - can also be caught in this bond.  Bonded with the offender in memories to form a sort of support group of life experience with others, and talking about the same trauma on anniversaries to come. What happened almost feels attached to our identity. Victims often describe feeling imprisoned by the experience of violence.  The author says we can be, "held captive in the aftermath of homicide which sabotages us economically, socially, psychologically and physically." 

This stage also speaks a lot to the criminal justice process or the types of challenges and trauma that are coupled with a surviving perpetrator. We will not need to face the challenges of the criminal justice system, such as the anxiety of waiting for his "day in court", trying to keep track of where the process is at via news media, maybe hoping to see a glimmer of remorse, or perhaps answers to our "why", or holding our breath for what we hope will be the worst possible sentence. Anyone that knew him personally may have conflicting emotions of compassion, anger, understanding, confusion, or fear. However, with the perpetrator dead, we are robbed of the chance to tell him how we feel and about the destruction he caused. People often feel that by doing so, they can find some closure.  In my experience, people are unable to find the closure they seek through the criminal justice system. While it can be a piece that supports healing, "closure" is usually obtained by a combination of sources and experiences. 

Even though the perpetrator will not be going to court, there is still an element of the criminal justice process taking place due to the police investigation process. This in combination with an anticipated Inquiry here in Nova Scotia,  there will be a sense of justice seeking that will occur.  The Inquiry may become like our courtroom, and our community like our jurors. However, with hopes of a restorative approach in mind, the process may be less traumatizing. People are going to be looking to these processes to get answers, hold anyone they can accountable, and speak their truth.  Without the perpetrator, it will be these processes that will come closest to answering questions around motive, provide a piece to the "closure" puzzle, and give opportunity to hold systems and/or people accountable. 

Even though our inclination may be to withdraw, we need find the energy to cultivate health social relationships. Draw strength from community. The more connected to the support of community, the less the trauma bond will hold and have a negative impact.  As mentioned in previous blog posts, we are lucky to live in the Nova Scotia community which has poured out so much support. While it cannot take away the pain, or undue the past, it helps make us stronger. 

Despite how difficult things continue to be, we need to remember that, "The only way out is through" (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe). The process isn't easy, but is is the only way to make it out the other side. 


My next related blog post will be on the next stage, "Recover".  Feel free to share these posts widely if you think they can support others.  I am also including a resource from the Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime, "Homicide Loss: Dealing with Grief for Survivors": https://crcvc.ca/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Homicide-Survivors_May2017-1.pdf

Stay safe, be well.

-Angela Jeffrey, BSW, MSW, RSW







0 Comments

Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime- Part 3

5/19/2020

0 Comments

 

​Navigating the 5 stages after violent crime
​Based on the book, "Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence" - by Wilma L. Derksen

Picture
Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash
This is the third part to my blog series on Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime, which is guided by a walk-through of a book called, “Confronting the Horror – The Aftermath of Violence” by Wilma L. Derksen. (You can look through my blog archives on the right to find part 1 and 2 in my blog series).  As I share wisdom from this book, I am including some of my own knowledge and experience working with people who have experienced violent crime, including homicide. The recent mass shooting here in Nova Scotia has evoked a lot of feelings in me of sadness and grief, which are shared by so many people in our community. While I know the content of these blogs are heavy, my hope is that somehow they can support others who are trying to navigate this difficult time.  I've listened to people in our community, and I want to help others process some of the thoughts and feelings that so many are experiencing. 

As mentioned in the first  part of this blog series, the author speaks about 5 stages individuals go through after serious crime: React, Retreat, Rectify, Refer and Recover.  I will cover each of these stages by individual posts, and it's important to recognize that sometimes these stages overlap and people can move back and forth between them. I shared information on the React and Retreat stages, which can last a different length of time for each person.

The next stage is RECTIFY (fixing the harm).  It is fair to say that many people in the general community have already entered this stage, with many calls for a public inquiry.  A lot of questions and concerns have risen about the mass violence. We want to know exactly what happened and how things could have been done differently so that hopefully, something like this will never happen again. Seeking justice (whatever that might look like) is not just about accountability, it's also about restoring safety, dignity and trust.  It marks the process of both an outward and inner fixing of harm, such as the harm it has caused within us, and fixing the harm outside of us - systems, policies or other processes. 


We want to dive more into the why, when, who? People who have not been directly impacted by the violence - such as knowing any of the lost loved ones personally -  may be able to come to this stage quicker. Normally at this stage a perpetrator would be going to court and those impacted would be anxious to see him held accountable. In our situation, with the perpetrator being killed, this is not an option.  For some of us, this may feel like he was held accountable, because he no longer gets to live. For others, it steals away the opportunity to shout our anger at him, pour out our sadness, and tell him what a monster he is.  His death also takes away the opportunity to get some direct answers about why he did what he did.  Instead, we will have to rely on a police investigation and possibly other formal processes to piece together an understanding the best we can.

This stage is often dominated by anger. We want to fix what has happened, and somehow restore what is right. 
If we cannot immediately identify what caused the violent acts or understand them, we may find a target for blame. In a complex situation like the mass violence here in Nova Scotia, there are a number of places the anger might be directed at including the perpetrator, people who knew him, or the police,  for example.  We will place our anger somewhere, and sometimes, it will be misdirected.  We want to hold someone accountable.  

Of course, anger over what happened is normal.  Anger tells us that something is not ok.  Holding back feelings of anger can cause physical and emotional problems in the long term - it can be like poison to us.  We must not let our anger get uncontrollable. I've witnessed this and the unhealthy ways that even decades later, repressed anger can reveal itself in how we end up treating ourselves and others. When we bury our anger and related emotions it can result in addictions, self-harm, depression and more.  Alternatively, it can affect the way we treat others or interact with the outside world such as how we are in relationships or in our work life.  It's incredibly important to find appropriate ways to express anger. We really have to be careful not to let our anger spill out in the harming of others. Our anger can push people we love away, and sabotage other things that are good in our lives.

"Research shows that anger is not a knee-jerk reaction. Anger occurs after we have processed enough information about a situation to interpret it as a betrayal or belittlement. This interpretation is grounded in our belief system which is crucial in determining our response. There is always a window or opportunity and choice in anger. We might not be able to control our feelings, but we are responsible for our actions."

It's also in this general stage that feelings of blame and guilt arise. One way anger shows up in is blaming others. We might blame family, friends, others involved, police, or even ourselves. We may blame others for not being where we thought they should be when our loved one was killed, or thinking perhaps that if a specific person had done something differently, spoke to someone in time, etc. that the outcome would be different. Sometimes people blame the victims of violence. Society tries to think of reasons why someone was targeted or harmed so that they themselves can feel safer. The underlying belief is that "I'll be safe if I'm a good person or do the right things" which is often untrue.

We might also blame ourselves, "If I had done this instead" or "I should have been there". There might be thoughts about how we ourselves could have stopped what happened. For those who may have had a close encounter with the perpetrator, and for people most directly impacted by the violence, a feeling of "survivor's guilt" might be felt - feeling guilty that we get to live while those we love died.  Even the act of feeling happy for a period of time may make us feel bad.  While this is all normal, it's important to remember that it is the perpetrator who is to blame. He could have decided differently, and we cannot predict for certain what would have changed.  Grappling with these realities are part of a healing process. 

The author suggests "recycling" anger into creative energy - finding positive ways to use it.  Not feeling we can do something about the cause of our anger, such as losing a loved one to homicide can cause a feeling of powerlessness which may also lead into depression.  Is there something we can do to stop or reduce the likelihood of a tragedy like this from happening again? People have used their grief and anger to make some very positive changes in community and society such as with laws or social norms - Mother's Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) is one example. On a personal level, we can consider other ways to redirect the energy from our anger such as into exercise/sports, art or other forms of expression.  Seeking professionals support such as counselling can help in processing feelings of anger and grief as well. 

In addition to feelings of anger, guilt, and blame, a feeling of impending doom can linger, which is sort of expecting things to get worse. It can make us feel powerless and apathetic. We question, "Can I trust others?", or "Will I or someone I care about be hurt again?".  We can focus so much on what we lost that we lose focus on what we still have. It's during this time that can really test relationships - with friends, in marriage, work, or other things we enjoy. It might feel like losing our loved one has consumed so much of us that we may not have the energy to give much else to anyone or anything else. 

When it comes to this stage and the healing process, the author speaks to the need of getting into a "rehabilitation program".  This isn't a formal program, it's more about being thoughtful on what our next steps forward will be. Thinking about how we will get through this period of time, how we are taking care of ourselves and others, and where we can put our energy.  It's important to take steps forward to take care of these things.  It can be difficult to heal and repair alone, or even to do so exclusively with others who are struggling with similar emotions and struggles. "Without a strong rehabilitation program, the disabling harm can continue to remain unaddressed for years...". 
It's during this time we will need to challenge ourselves, and re-think life. It will be work, and there might be days when some of us want to give up. Finding ways to take control of life again, especially for those most impacted, is critical. This is the time to begin a refocus on cherishing what remains. 

There are a number of considerations that the author asks readers to consider:
1-Be careful not to minimize the harm done to you
2-Take time to assess the assumptions you had in life before the violence
3-Maintain your relationships
4-Manage your physical health
5-Manage your time and work
6-Manage what you have left
7-Don't make rash decisions about anything based on your feelings
8-Don't try to absorb all the losses by yourself (seek support)

Hopefully the above ideas help support those impacted.

My next related blog post will be on the next stage, "Refer".  Feel free to share these posts widely if you think they can support others. 

Stay safe, be well.

-Angela Jeffrey, BSW, MSW, RSW


0 Comments

Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime- Part 2

5/8/2020

0 Comments

 

Navigating the 5 stages after violent crime
​Based on the book, "Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence" - by Wilma L. Derksen

Picture
Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash
This is the second part to my blog series on Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime, which is guided by the walk-through of a book called, “Confronting the Horror – The Aftermath of Violence” by Wilma L. Derksen. (You can scroll down this page to find part 1 in my blog series).  As I share wisdom from this book, I am including some of my own knowledge and experience working with people who have experienced violent crime, including homicide. The recent mass shooting here in Nova Scotia has evoked a lot of feelings in me of sadness and grief, which are shared by so many people in our community. While I know the content of these blogs are heavy, my hope is that somehow they can support others who are trying to navigate this difficult time.  I've listened to people in our community, and I want to help others process some of the thoughts and feelings that so many are experiencing. 

As mentioned in the first  part of this blog series, the author speaks about 5 stages individuals go through after serious crime: React, Retreat, Rectify, Refer and Recover.  I will cover each of these stages by individual posts, and it's important to recognize that sometimes these stages overlap and people can move back and forth between them. I shared information on the React stage which is marked by panic, fear, and the initial thoughts and feelings that immediately come to the surface with little time to think or reflect.  This stage (as with all stages) will last a different length of time for each person.

The next stage the author speaks about is "Retreat".  This is a time that is dominated by sadness. After the initial reaction, we need time to retreat into ourselves and regroup to decide how to deal with the loss and what happened.  This is usually after panic has subsided and more of the current reality has set in, although there will still be moments of disbelief. As our brains begin to re-shift and focus differently, many impacted by the mass shooting will struggle with feeling absent minded, emotional, unfocused, very sensitive and confused. 

During this time, providing practical support to people affected in this way is helpful. Bringing cooked meals, helping with household tasks or grocery shopping for them. "The pain of a wounded heart takes time to heal. When we are in mourning we need a safe place to cry, to remember, to nurse our wound, to contemplate life and muster the courage to live again." At this point, to "live again" might feel more like "existing".  No one wants to have to imagine a life without someone they loved or cared about. 

Some people might experience a "spiritual crisis". For those with spiritual/religious beliefs, we might ask, "how could a good God allow this to happen?". We may question whether there is a God, lose or feel alienated from our faith, or we might lean into faith even stronger to get through this very difficult time.  Some may believe that if you do good things, you will be rewarded with good and that can be very difficult to come to terms with when terrible things happen to good people. Questioning God is not unusual. 

It's important to realize that everyone may react differently to the loss of a loved one through this tragedy. Some people may cry, others may not. Some may want to speak about their experience and/or loved one often, others may hold back. Some may be overcome with anger, while others sadness. We have to be careful not to judge others about how they respond to grief.  There is not "right" way to feel. 

Unlike in other situations where we lose loved ones (accident, illness, etc.), because these losses are due to a crime, there is an active police investigation including media involvement. These elements can sometimes interfere or disrupt the grieving process. A quiet, private community now becomes the centre of the country's attention.  It can make us feel exposed and more vulnerable. Outside people may feel motivated to travel to Portapique to show support, bring flowers to the memorial, but also to physically connect with the reality of the tragedy that has taken place.  As we "retreat" we may seek privacy and quietness, but this can be harder in the days of social media. While there are many benefits to being the centre of attention, such as the outpouring of support, it can also make it challenging to focus and mourn losses in a safe way. In the end, we really need to listen to those most impacted by this tragedy. What do they need? How can we support them? What are they saying? 

It's during this stage that more time might be devoted to trying to make sense of what happened. This may mean revisiting again and again what happened, when it happened, reading information about how things happened, and following new information or evidence shared by police or news media. We want answers and we want to understand, hoping that it will somehow allow us to get the closure we seek.  Sometimes it can feel like too much information is coming at us and so it can be overwhelming and feel like our brain shuts down, and for those most directly impacted, it can feel like being in a trance. 

We may experience intrusive memories about what happened that keep showing up. The details of the experience come to consciousness and force us to relieve those moments again. Memories of lost loved ones may go directly to the horrific event and it can almost cloud memories of the person from before they were killed.  One way to combat this is to continue to look at photos of lost loved ones, telling their stories, looking at mementos, etc.  Memorials focused on remembering the lives of those lost help support this.

For people who knew someone who's life was taken, they may want to revisit places that remind them of that person.  Driving past their home, their work, places in the community where they often met or shared special memories. Others on the other hand, may avoid these areas because it doesn't feel like a way of connecting with their loved one, it only feels like a place of sadness.  

It can be easier to repress the thoughts and feelings of what happened - at least in the short term. I recall some people I've supported after loosing someone to homicide deciding to go right back to work and carry on with normal routine.  This may seem impossible to do for many, but for others, the busyness of work was a way to distract them from their feelings.  There is a delicate balance between giving yourself the time to sit with the dark feelings that come with this type of loss, and trying not to feel consumed by it so that we can still function. However, it is important that we find healthy ways and opportunities to express feelings of grief.  "Unexpressed grief will keep us stuck. If we avoid the memories of our loved ones too soon or move on too quickly, the memories can take on a grotesque distortion later on and haunt us as flashbacks or anxiety attacks".  


The author suggests the following to help with this phase:
1-Don't be alarmed by your inability to control your thinking patterns
2-Prepare for trauma triggers as much as you can
3-Try to physically organize your traumatized mind (scrapbook, newspaper clippings, etc.)
4-Let friends help you organize your life when possible
5-Don't hide your lapses of concentration 
6-Make lists, write things down
7-Take one day at a time
8-Talk to someone regularly to process how you're feeling 

Hopefully the above ideas help support those impacted.


My next related blog post will be on the next stage, "Rectify".  Feel free to share these posts widely if you think they can support others. 

Stay safe, be well.

-Angela Jeffrey, BSW, MSW, RSW


0 Comments

Navigating the 5 Stages after Violent Crime- Part 1

5/4/2020

0 Comments

 

​Navigating the 5 stages after violent crime

Based on the book, "Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence" - by Wilma L. Derksen
Picture
Photo by Mike Labrum on Unsplash

In light of our recent tragic mass loss of lives to violence here in Nova Scotia, I thought I would write a series of blog posts on what people tend to experience after violent crime. My series of posts will walk through a book called, “Confronting the Horror – The Aftermath of Violence” by Wilma L. Derksen, who lost her young daughter to homicide. I will couple this walk through with some of the insight and experience I gained working with people who have lost someone to homicide while I worked for police in a Victim Services unit.  The author speaks about 5 stages individuals go through after serious crime: React, Retreat, Rectify, Refer and Recover.  I will cover each of these stages by individual posts, and it's important to recognize that sometimes these stages overlap and people can move back and forth between them.

Knowing the significant impact this wide spread violence has had on our small community of Nova Scotia, my hope is that many find some understanding and comfort in what I will share, and encourage anyone who wants to learn more to read the whole book.  I also want to state that I am choosing not to use the name of the killer who took the lives of so many in Portapique and surrounding areas of Nova Scotia. 


So many have been victimized by the killer's actions: people who lost loved ones; people who they themselves were at risk; people who witnessed some of the traumatic events; those working in emergency services; and our community as a whole.  As a result, when we think about who has been a "victim" of this tragedy, we have to think broader than the people who's lives were stolen, or the people who lost those loved ones. "Many others experience reactions to the psychological trauma of murder in a community who are considered to be outside the immediate circle of family members or friends". 

​The 
United Nations defines a victim as: "...Persons who, individually or collectively, have suffered harm, including physical or mental injury, emotional suffering, economic loss [due to crime]...regardless of the familial relationship between the perpetrator and the victim. The term “victim” also includes, where appropriate, the immediate family or dependants of the direct victim and persons who have suffered harm in intervening to assist victims in distress or to prevent victimization...".

With this understanding, we can see how crime and violence can impact so many people, such as whole communities. We see an incredible amount of emotional suffering right now across our province, even our country. We suffer because we care. Nova Scotia is a small community. Many of us will have either been to the places where the violent acts occurred, knew someone who lost their life, or know someone who did know someone. 


The first stage discussed by the author is "React".  "The impact of violent crime is immediate and disempowering". This stage is dominated by fear. During this time, people react to what is happening. There is often panic, but people can react differently in this moment. The instinct for those directly impacted is usually one of survival. It is usually these moments that will be etched in our memory. For the people in our community with direct experience with the shootings, those moments might include what they were doing when they heard gunshots, when police showed up at their door, when they got that phone call, or the moment they could not reach their loved one. There can be so much that is a blur during these moments because our brain and body will put most of it's energy only into what it feels is important at the time. For those who were indirectly impacted in our community, it may be details about the moment you learned about what happened such as where you were, what you were doing, or who told you. Since the violence evolved over time it can be difficult to figure out when that "moment" came because there were likely repeated moments with new realizations about the violence that was taking place.

During this "react" stage there can be a lot of disconnection, shock and numbness. Thoughts of "is this really happening"? It can be hard to articulate how you're feeling...it's like there are no words. We see so many people across Nova Scotia using the word "heartbroken", though for many, the feelings are far deeper than that- words don't seem like enough. "Many victims talk about being lost in a state of fluid emotion with no words, just darkness". Fumbling for words, struggling to find the right ones.  There aren't words.

Thankfully, most of us in Canada do not have to live our lives with ongoing fear or have to face regular mass violence. What we experienced here in Nova Scotia is what we would expect from movies or on the news of a place somewhere else - it feels surreal.  Even over time, it will be hard to come to a realization that this was how we lost loved ones, and people in our community. Nova Scotia will become known not just for our tourism, but now also by this horrific tragedy.  We will be haunted by the memories of what happened, they will revisit us because the world now knows.

For some, there will also be a great sense of betrayal and sense of security entirely shaken. People knew the killer, most never thought he would do this. They shared drinks with him, maybe some laughs and more. He owned a business and many have interacted with him. The idea that someone we knew and to some degree, trusted, to do the horrific things he did can make us wonder, do we really know anyone? Who can we trust? It creates a feeling of unease and lack of feeling safe. These feelings are normal. 

Being faced with many gaps in information is also common in this stage. Things are not shared with us, and there are things we may not ever know because they can only be answered by the man who did these things. We may become frustrated with information not shared yet by police who are conducting an active investigation to try and uncover the truth. 
There's a Native American saying quoted in the book, "It takes a thousand voices to tell a single story" - which feels especially true knowing the complexities and massiveness of this tragedy.

People who lose loved ones to homicide not only need to struggle with a sudden death and normal grief that comes with losing a loved one, they must also confront the complicated and traumatic elements that comes with violent crime, in this case, homicide. Trauma can create fragments in memory or a disorganization about how we remember things so it might be hard to remember what happened in order.  We are trying to piece together everything that has happened, and right now, that isn't possible. 

The fear and shock that comes from a traumatic event like we have experienced can often cause us to have an exaggerated startle response. This means that even after the threat is over, we may still be hyper-vigilant and alert to any possible danger. Days after the mass shootings there were a number of reports about possible gun related incidents at a couple locations in Halifax Regional Municipality, for example. This type of reaction by community is not abnormal - we have felt a serious disruption in our sense of safety and trust. Some people may experience anxiety attacks, irritability, flashbacks, numbness, trouble eating, sleeping and concentrating, which are all normal to experience in this stage.  The degree in which someone experiences these things will be related to how connected a person was to the shootings, past trauma, and their own mental health makeup.  Support from family, friends and community members may help in managing these feelings, however if they linger for a long time it's important to recognize when getting professional support might be needed.

For anyone experiencing these symptoms, some things that may be helpful include trying to "will" yourself to relax, at least at various points in a day. Taking deep breaths, eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and trying to exercise in some way.  When I've worked with people experiencing trauma, appetite can easily go. People forget to eat or sometimes just don't because they do not feel hungry. I want to encourage anyone this is happening to, to eat anyhow. Even if it means one piece of fruit, a piece of toast or other light, easy food a few times a day. Stress burns energy and not having enough food or water can often make it worse. It also impacts the way our brains function. Set an alarm on your phone if needed to remind yourself.  Routine is also important, because our body feels safer with it. It feels predictable. This might be challenging at this time during our current pandemic when many routines have been thrown off. If you have established a routine since the pandemic, trying to continue parts of that will be helpful. If you haven't, trying to mimic parts of your routine before the pandemic may be helpful as well.  It's also important to recognize your stress triggers, so that if you experience a flashback, give yourself time and space in that moment if at all possible to process what you are going through and being gentle with yourself. 

Another part of healing and self-care is story sharing, which can be a way to unload grief.  People need to share their stories and will choose to do so in different ways. Some people share their stories about what happened with the news media, others to social media, some only to those close to them or a counsellor.  It's important to know that this is also part of a healing process. The way that people react when traumatic stories/experiences are shared is important and can help people in their healing journey.  Overwhelmingly, community is embracing and supporting those who are sharing, and this is the response we need to give. Others may hold back their stories, however repressing does not normally help. It can be a natural reaction at times to want to forget what happened or how we are feeling. However, in my experience working with those impacted by trauma, these memories often crop up repeatedly throughout life in various ways, and often impact many aspects of life subconsciously. 

Telling our story is important- even if to only a few.  This story may include a wide range of emotions experienced, and knowing that there is no "right way" to feel.  We need to integrate this painful story into our living truth. Trying to find a safe place (and person) where you feel comfortable and supported is really important to think of when opening up about this traumatic event. When it comes to sharing our story, there are three different ways to do it:
-focus on what happened
-focus on the feelings that came with what happened
-focus on the impact of what happened has had on you, and those you love

The author speaks about the need to express our thoughts and feelings. There are a number ways to do that. I have seen so many people in the community and on social media showing support and solidarity by displaying a Nova Scotia image or flag in their windows or on their lawns, sharing images on social media of Nova Scotia with a heart, people participating in social distancing candle light vigils and/or the "Nova Scotia Remembers" virtual vigil . We have seen a large image of Cst. Heidi Stevenson with angel wings displayed in Cole Harbour, and the option to purchase a shirt with "East Coast Strong" to both emotionally and financially support families who've lost a loved one. These are only some of the ways we are sharing our story as a community, and moving towards a path of healing.  All of these acts matter. As the author states, "...We are all connected. We are not alone...we need each other. What we do to each other matters immensely". 

My next related blog post will be on the next stage, "Retreat" which is the directly many will be moving towards now.  Feel free to share these posts widely if you think they can support others. 


-Angela Jeffrey, BSW, MSW, RSW
0 Comments

Not Everyone is "Safe at Home" Letter to the Editor- Chronicle Herald

4/13/2020

0 Comments

 
​In the midst of our current pandemic, I feel encouraged by messages in the community and on social media to “Stay Safe at Home.” We are told to lock down, avoid others, work from home and self-isolate as much as possible. I hope that for many of you, when you imagine being home, you think of a place where you draw comfort and are surrounded by those who love and support you.
However, as a social worker who has supported hundreds of women facing domestic violence, I am reminded that not everyone is at home, safe. For women living with abusive partners, it’s often a place of fear. They are not “safe at home,” they are “trapped at home.” In fact, for too many women, that’s the most dangerous place for them to be. 

At this time, most couples will be spending more time together, which will likely lead to more arguments. Additional stress from job losses, financial hardship and uncertain futures, combined with a person who chooses to use violence when things don’t go their way, will likely result in increased domestic violence.
During this pandemic, China saw their domestic violence incidents rise, tripling in one county (“China’s Divorce Spike Is a Warning to Rest of Locked-Down World,” March 31, by Sheridan Prasso in Bloomberg Businessweek).

Naturally, stressful life events often correlate with major depression. Some studies have shown that hostility and aggression during depression can lead to homicidal behaviour. With women being killed by their past/present intimate partners every six days in Canada, my hope is that this rate does not increase, with abused women being another indirect casualty of this virus.

The use of emotional abuse is likely to rise with people who act abusively, because making their partners feel terrible somehow makes them feel better. I question how abusive men will now use their control and manipulation tactics. Normally, they might tell their partner where they are “permitted” to go or when. They might direct who they are allowed to speak with, requiring passwords to social media accounts, and regularly monitoring their phone calls and text messages. Other times, they use guilt and harassment to exercise control.

As one article (“The Danger of Being Quarantined with an Abuser,” March 19) by Amanda Kippert on domesticshelters.org discusses, abusers may take advantage of the restrictions of this pandemic and use the fear of the virus to further control and manipulate. Isolation is a powerful tactic by many who abuse, which means they try to limit resources and access to support to their partner as much as possible. COVID-19 just handed them an amplified version of this, on a golden platter.

Women experiencing abuse may have been able to go to work, where they might have gotten some peace and freedom. Some may have had access to friends and family, confiding in them and getting the support they needed. If they were in crisis, they may have had more opportunity to reach out.

Now, it is more likely they are under 24/7 surveillance, and these women will need to exercise further caution when reaching for support.

You might be one of those supports. Someone in your life could be experiencing domestic violence and you may not know it. Connect with your family and friends when you can, so that hopefully, if someone really needs it, you can help them be safe, too. Also, remember that locally, Bryony House continues to provide emergency support to women experiencing domestic violence.

In closing, please continue with your positive messages of “Stay Home Safe.” However, let’s not assume that’s true for everyone.

(Note: While I do recognize that domestic violence can be perpetrated by women against men and in same-sex relationships, I have focused on my experience with heterosexual women.)
​
www.thechronicleherald.ca/opinion/local-perspectives/angela-jeffrey-not-everyone-is-safe-at-home-435450/
0 Comments

Participation on the RCMP Sexual Assault Investigation Review Committee

2/6/2020

0 Comments

 
​I am honoured to say that after being asked by the RCMP to join the Sexual Assault Investigation Review Committee (SAIRC) for Nova Scotia, I am now a member. Some of the work involved includes providing external oversight to RCMP sexual assault investigations, ensuring RCMP investigations are thorough, impartial, and properly classified; making case-specific recommendations which could lead a file being re-opened; and making broad-based recommendations to improve the RCMP’s response to complaints of sexual assault and enhance RCMP policies, procedures and training. I have a lot of respect for the RCMP taking this step after the Globe and Mail's report titled, "Unfounded".  I am encouraged by the RCMP's interest in improving how they respond to sexual assault matters. I'm thankful I have an opportunity to contribute my knowledge and experience towards this important work, and hopefully improving the lives for others who make the difficult decision of reporting to police.
0 Comments

    Archives

    October 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020

    Categories

    All
    Post

    RSS Feed

    View my profile on LinkedIn
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Me
  • Services
    • Counselling Services >
      • Counselling Approach & Fees
      • Counselling & Support Services for Survivors of Domestic & Sexualized Violence
      • Counselling for Everyone
      • Counselling for Law Enforcement
    • Other Services: Training, Investigations, Consultation, Policy/Program Development,
  • Contact
  • News/Blog
  • The Principals & Ethics of Social Workers